How to live beyond your grief – Say “NO” to almost everything.
How to live beyond your grief. I learned this many years ago. How to say NO to almost anything. It had more to do with my kids when they asked me for something.
When it came to me grieving the loss of my 3-year-old daughter, that was so much different than just say NO to everything. You see how do you say “NO” when all you want is to have her back again. I would just rather say YES to GOD and she could come back. Who wouldn’t. Right?
I believe that life events such as the loss of my daughter dis-empowered me to the point that I couldn’t make the right decisions for over 20 years, I would always say “YES” to everything because I thought it would fix my problem. That didn’t work at all. It only caused me more problems in the long run.
What I figured out isn’t in any books, I didn’t learn it from any therapists or councilors. I went down the path of hard knocks as they say. Lost in this fog not knowing what way to go or turn.
I would have been much better off to say “NO” to everything. I had no clue what I was chasing in life.
I was in my own personnel Groundhogs Day hell. You know that movie with Bill Murray Groundhog Day. He kept getting up reliving that day repeatedly until he got it right and could move on with his life.
That’s what I did everyday for over 20+ years. Get up and relive that day trying to figure out what went wrong and what I could do different
The power of NO
When asked, don’t be afraid to just say “NO”. That will get you off the hook so many times
Remember this quote – “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” ~ Charles Swindoll
So many times, over the years as I was trying to deal with my grief. I reacted to everything in life. I would say it was like saying “YES”. I then would bring that into my life good or bad. It was more bad than good for the most part.
You will have wheeled so much power in your life by just saying “NO” to people.
For example, so many of us will lie to people when asked how are we doing. So instead of telling the truth we lie. You can call it something else, it’s still a lie. Not just to them but to yourself too.
What happens is later in life we start to believe these lies we tell our self. Then later in life you think you should be handling your grief much better than you are, you question why?
It would maybe just be better to tell them “NO” you don’t care to talk about it now. Subject is now closed and nobody must feel uncomfortable.
Other things to say “NO” to.
1. No I don’t feel like going out.
2. No I don’t feel like having people over.
3. No I don’t want to go to the cemetery.
4. No I don’t feel like going to Church.
5. No I don’t feel like doing anything today.
Just a few ideas to say “NO” to. I’m sure you can come up with many more.
I’m sure you get it, what I’m talking about.
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Tip to end your day
“Declutter you mind daily”
At the end of your day just let it go. It has past. You can’t change what has happened this day. You can only choose how you react to it tomorrow, so let it go.
Blessings and Much Love, Rick
I believe that life events cause us to become dis-empowered. We need to find what is it that we are giving our power to. Shift our focus, so we can begin to live the life that we were intended.
Hello, my name is Rick Kauffman with A Father’s Loss I’m an Empowerment Grief Coach working with men and women that have suffered a life event that has taken their life as they know it away. I work primarily with those people that feel that they are lost in a fog, not knowing where to turn or how to find their way out of that fog.
My life event was in 1993 when I lost my daughter when she was 3 years old, 2 weeks before her 4th birthday. She had drowned in our city pool while she was in the care of our babysitter 8 feet away from a life guard.
I thought that I did everything just as I should as a grieving father and as a husband. Only to have my wife come home 8 years later to tell me she didn’t love me anymore. That through me right back into my grief.
As a father and husband I was a failure.
I had gone through so much counseling and therapy. They helped to a point. I found myself lost in a fog for over 20 years feeling that life was such a waist.
Where do you go from here? That’s what I thought, I would just go through each day just to cope and exist?
I then asked myself if there was more to life than just coping? I found that I wanted to live life on my terms. I realized where I was going in life. I then started to find my way out of the fog.