All is Not Fair in Love and Grief

all is not fair in love and grief

Collective love requires dual partnership, loyalty, pardon, perseverance, admission, forgiveness, heartfelt appreciation and patience; all of which are entwined to form an affable bond that can stand the test of time. 

A friendship blossoms, a marriage strengthens, a parent-child relationship is nurtured, trust is strengthened between a caregiver and patient, a close neighbor or co-worker learn to depend on each other for support.  All because the scale of love is by nature, a twofold understanding of solidarity and an unspoken pledge for support—forever.

Unfortunately, grief harbors love on a whole different level.  Whereas love still remains true to character, grief extracts the nutrients out of peace and resolve.  Instantaneously, all that existed is no longer up front and present.  When this happens life becomes strangely different on many levels.  The fact that life will never be the same is an adjustment that requires patience and an unlimited time frame in which to heal.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster of mixed emotions.  It becomes hard to blend love and loss together. 

While love never departs in grief, it has a way of creating a gap of normalcy, that ultimately must reckon with loss. 

No one ever wants to say goodbye to a loved one, nor grasp ahold of the fact that loss is certain finality, as defined (in the here and now.)  While saying goodbye here-on-earth is the tuff stuff, learning to cope with the gap is unfathomable at best.  We are naturally creatures of habit that settle into daily routines.  When a loss of great magnitude occurs, it inadvertently upsets the routine-apple-cart.  That can prove to be one of the hardest hits in grief, because grief takes on a different role when sudden loss cascades into the mix. 

It’s easy to overlook the symptoms that follow after a loss.  These symptoms are not only unforeseen they are coupled with peculiar reactions that make no sense at all.  All of a sudden adverse feelings sprout up out of nowhere.  That’s due in part to the fact that loss doesn’t come with a manual.  Systematically all of these foreign by-products of loss can wreak havoc during the aftermath of the loss of a loved one.  That is why it is essential to recognize and be aware of the fact that everything around loss is also effected by loss.  Quite honesty loss disrupts everything in its wake.

For instance:

  • Loss of appetite.
  • Increased appetite.
  • Not wanting to get dressed.
  • Unexplained desire to just sit and stare.
  • Wanting to be left alone.
  • Not wanting to be left alone.
  • Unexplained guilt.
  • Overwhelming depression.
  • Outbursts of anger.
  • Distancing oneself from family and friends.  
  • Yearning for explanation and reasoning.

Recognizing symptoms of grief, can significantly help to understand the reaction(s) to grief, possibly helping to channel the loss in a way that comforts and eases the ill effects of the death of a loved one. 

Loss is never equal and while it effects each grieving soul differently, it is imperative to understand that a new normal must be approached cautiously and singularly, in one’s own time.  Allowing and accepting the reality that love is still present in the heart, mind, body and soul can lend peace that serves as a reinforcement that permanent bonded love can be interrupted, but not dissolved.  

Routine is often overlooked as a trigger in grief and loss.  Repetitive daily habits form a circle of consistency and when the sphere of routine breaks apart, everything else frays with it.  At that point, grief attempts to settle or negotiate with loss, in order to understand why […].  Ultimately, it becomes a last ditch effort to ease the pain of loss by bargaining with it. 

Loss is not fair by any means, nor is it explainable or justifiable.  However, one thing is for certain; pure love outshines the test of loss.  It may not be fair, but it never discounts genuine love.  It becomes love on a completely different level.  It’s preceding love remixed and recycled with a newfound love that can survive anything.

Albeit, it takes time to adjust to a new normal, a new routine, and a different approach to the way life used to be, but it is possible to blend the old with the new.   While it’s never the same as it was before, it can be a strong connection that sheds a tear for love, a tear for memories and a tear for that certain hope for rejoining love again someday.


Memories, are all I have left to spark the flame of love,

Yet the flicker that glows today, is brighter than yesterday,

Because hope strikes the match that illuminates the sky above,

Pledging allegiance that you’re okay…until we meet again one day. 


Sharon Ross

Here 4 U Grief And Loss


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