5 healthy ways to manage grief

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve — everyone’s journey is unique to them. And while there are several different ways to manage the profound feelings you experience after the loss of a loved one, some are healthier and more effective than others.

If you’ve recently lost a loved one and you’re struggling to move on with your life, it’s time to take action. We spoke to two professionals who dedicate their lives to helping people suffering from grief recover from their loss. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Be patient with yourself

There’s no set timeline for mourning. While some people process grief in a matter of weeks, others spend years or even their entire lives grieving over the loved ones they lost. 

Meghan Riordan Jarvis, psychotherapist, author and creator of Grief Is My Side Hustle, teaches that there’s no such thing as moving beyond grieving: 

“You are a griever for the rest of your life, just as a mother is a parent for the rest of her life. We must grow into the role, building up our emotional muscles to help us carry loss overtime.”

Help yourself recover by not setting a time expectation for accepting what has happened. Be patient and allow yourself all the time you need to come to terms with your loss and mourn in your own way.

2. Think about the one you lost

You may find yourself trying to not think about the person you lost. Although the memories are painful, going over them will help provide you closure and allow you to move on.

Give yourself permission to remember your loved one. Think about the impact they had on your life and how they helped shape the person you are today. Their beliefs, ambitions and perspectives can still influence you for the rest of your life and provide you with emotional support along the way.

Holding onto a physical reminder of your deceased loved one, or creating a unique keepsake from what they left behind, can also help. 

“People often find comfort in items like jewelry, such as cremation diamonds, teddy bears made of a loved one's clothing or other thoughtful totems. The intention brings the hard and the beautiful together,” says Jarvis.

3. Arrange a personal send off

A funeral doesn’t have to be a sad affair, with everyone in formal black clothing and sombre music. Give your loved one a send off which reflects their personality and their wishes. 

Consider sending their ashes into space instead of burying them in the ground, ask guests to wear bright happy colors instead of black, or hold the service outside at their favorite park instead of inside a church. Try and arrange a custom farewell as unique and memorable as the person you’ve lost.

Organizing a special funeral tailored to the deceased will make your loss feel more real and provide you with the comfort of knowing you’ve made an extra effort to do something out of the ordinary for them. When you think back on the funeral, you’ll have fond memories of a day you created just for them, instead of a standard funeral which could have been for anyone. 

4. Carry on their legacy

Like turning their ashes into a cremation diamond or organizing a one-of-a-kind funeral, continuing their legacy is another wonderful way of honoring a friend or family member who’s passed on.

Consider visiting some of the places your wanderlust friend never got to see or supporting a cause your family member always felt passionate about. Standing in their footsteps and living their experiences is a great way to gain an even better understanding of the person they once were.

Carrying on someone’s legacy doesn’t have to mean making big, bold gestures. You can honor them every day in simple ways. If your grandfather believed education was incredibly important, do your best at school. Or if your mother was an amazing cook, try and learn some of her recipes.

5. Reach out to others

Coping with a significant loss is one of the most challenging things we have to deal with in life. No matter how much time you give yourself, sometimes you never adjust to living in a world which doesn’t contain your loved one. 

Anne DeButte, grief & loss coach and author of Grief’s Abyss Finding Your Pathway to Peace, offers some advice for when you can’t stop mourning:

“My advice would be to obtain support. It can be comforting to hear stories from others who have experienced a similar loss. It helps to know someone else understands what you're experiencing.  

Often family and friends are unable to be that support, they may be going through their own grief, or feel that the person should be over it by now. They often don’t understand. The person grieving can feel alone and isolated because they fear no one will understand.  

Support groups are helpful especially if they have a beginning date and ending date. A therapist/counsellor or grief coach can be helpful in providing support and understanding for a grieving person.”

You don’t have to do it alone

Nobody is prepared for the anguish, heartbreak and emotional torment of losing someone close. It’s perfectly normal to feel completely overwhelmed by your feelings to the point of finding it difficult to complete everyday tasks. While you might feel like these emotions will continue forever, it’s important to understand that over time, the pain will subside and you’ll be able to come to terms with your loss.

If you’ve been grieving for a long time and you find you’re unable to move on, it’s time to seek help. Mourning is a healthy and essential part of acceptance, but you can’t let it take over your life forever. When you can’t face your feelings anymore, it’s time to seek professional advice from a grief counselor.