An Interview with Karen Mittet, Narrative Therapist
The emotions we go through when grieving are so intense and scary that it can be a challenge to cope with everyday life. When you can no longer find joy in the things you once loved or you struggle to complete ordinary daily tasks, a grief counselor can help you find solace and get back to your regular self.
To learn how openly discussing the loss of a loved one with a qualified professional can provide comfort and healing, we spoke to Karen Mittet, narrative therapist, writer, facilitator, and compassionate listener of Karenmittet.com. Karen strives to ensure people know they aren’t alone in their suffering and that there are others who care about the pain they’re experiencing.
Here’s what she had to say:
Please tell us a little bit about yourself, how did you get into grief counseling?
My name is Karen Mittet. My segue into grief counseling is really a journey that started when my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the age of 45, I was 23. She died 5 months later.
Witnessing my mother’s illness and the compassionate care she received from the Palliative Care nurses, I knew that one day I would give back by helping the dying and bereaved.
When my 3 boys became more independent, I trained and started volunteering at the local Hospice House. During this time, I signed up for a conference hosted by Dr. Alan Wolfelt. This changed my life.
I ended up completing a certification at Dr. Wolfelt’s Center for Loss in Fort Collins, CO. Eventually, I entered a masters program out of the University of Melbourne and I’m now practicing as a narrative therapist counselor.
Can physical objects, such as memorial diamonds, help with the grieving process?
The only experience I have with solid objects are rocks. One lady who comes to see me is culturally Jewish and has taught me many things about Jewish death and dying customs. One tradition that has resonated with me is the importance of placing stones on the grave of a deceased loved one.
Flowers wilt and die, but stones last forever, as does the memory of those who have passed. If memorial diamonds can take on the same characteristics as stones, then I believe they could help with the grieving process.
Who do you think can benefit the most from counseling?
It is my belief that anyone can benefit from grief counseling because it offers a sacred space for a person to openly mourn. Counseling allows a person to speak about their experience in a non-judgment, compassionate environment, where the listener is attentive, kind, and empathic.
What do you talk about in grief counseling?
A grief counselor does not bring their own personal stories into the conversation, since they can distract from the bereaved’s narrative. In grief counseling, I ask the person to talk about their deceased loved one, what they looked like, what they liked to do, any special memories they shared together and what their deceased loved one appreciated most about them.
This is the kind of dialogue that takes place in a narrative therapy grief counseling session. Focusing on the way a person died is not prioritized in the conversation. Instead, privileging stories that describe the life they lived while on earth and asking questions to honor these memories is often more healing.
What does grief do to a person?
Grief is like a rite of passage, it signifies a separation that places a person in liminal space, which can be disorienting. Grief is transformational because a person has been forever changed by the experience of losing someone to death.
One person who I helped told me that he was never alone because grief was his companion. Grief is not the enemy, grief is the great healer.
Let the healing begin today
Coming to terms with your loss and truly understanding the gravity of what has happened is rarely something we’re capable of doing alone. Instead of keeping your feelings bottled up and trying to carry on like nothing happened, talking openly about the great impact your loss has had on you will take a weight off your shoulders and create a space for healing.
If you’re suffering after the loss of a loved one and you need to talk to someone, contact Karen through her website. Her kind words and compassionate understanding will help you navigate through anything you’re struggling with in life. She’ll guide you from your first steps of acceptance all the way through your journey of healing.
About the author
My passion is for helping people navigate the emotionally tumultuous seas that life events can cast them in. As a hospice volunteer, a grief facilitator for children and adults and a personal therapist, I have shared space with bereaved individuals as well as with those who are experiencing an overwhelming problem in their lives. I consider it an honor and a privilege to companion people through life’s struggles. Life is not always easy and it helps to have the comforting presence of someone who listens and truly cares.